I never used to be a crier. From the time I was six or seven until I was about twenty-nine, I can count the number of times I cried. It does require both hands, but that still averages out to roughly once every 3.29 years. I learned fairly early that crying is just asking people to make fun of you. One of those seven times, I’d been upset about something for a few days. I don’t even remember what it was now. So I took the blanket and bedspread off my bed, pulled all my sweatshirts out, climbed into my closet, burrowed to the back, under all the old Halloween costumes, and piled all of blanket/bedspread/shirts on top of my head. Then I cried. But I still tried to be quiet. Not quiet enough, obviously. Parents are people too, you know.
One of the many, possibly myriad, reasons that I’m overweight is that I’m very adept at stuffing my emotions down, and food is as common a stuffer for me as it is for most people. When I do cry, I can stop myself very quickly if I need to – usually meaning that someone might see and/or hear me. I wonder sometimes if it would freak people out to see just how quickly. It almost freaks me out sometimes. I know at least one friend’s mom used to be kind of weirded out when I’d get hurt (wipe out on a bike or something). I’d be bleeding, but not crying. She never could wrap her head around that one. After the first time it happened, I secretly thought her daughters (my friend included) must be real wimps, if they cried that much. Nice, hunh? I must have been a really annoying kid.
The odd thing is that, lately, I’ve been getting a lot of practice at crying cessation. I’ve started to think that maybe there’s a single reservoir inside me to contain tears. It will hold a finite number over my lifetime. Such a large body of water, albeit suppressed water, would surely be affected by the moon, just as the oceans’ tides are. Higher tides during the full moon would explain why any little thing seemed to set me off this past week or so. And since the reservoir is so near its capacity, it’s much more difficult for me to prevent crying in the first place. Once some tears escape, it’s possible to close the gates again, but even water’s amazing surface tension will eventually give way and spill over.
So that’s it. I think I’m full. Done. Replete, even. Expect to encounter crying at any time from now on. And please pass the Kleenex.
3 comments:
Beccaie
I am a big giant sap and cry at pretty much a drop of the hat. I tripped over my laptop cord and fell hard on my wrist, twisted my ankle pretty well, and hurt my shin. Yup! there were tears involved. Not as much as if I were 4 and I was laughing a little, but there were tears. I cry for songs, movies, moments in books you name it. Boromir dies, tears. Frodo thanks Sam for being with him on the journey, tears. Haldir dies, tons of tears. Theodred, a few, not as many. Theoden! Yup you got it and when Eomer found Eowen on the battle field I actually had to stop the movie I was crying so hard that I couldn't see. And pretty much from the moment Sam and Frodo are on the mountain till the end of the credits - a flood gate of tears. I can even cry for stupid sentimental commercials (but that is fairly rare).
I find no shame in crying, but I also tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve. If you want a friend in tears, just come to me dear. I will laugh through the tears, hold your hand, and give you a big giant hug, all as the tears are a coming!
Love you!
I won't make fun if you cry, my friend... I'll probably cry along with you... and be glad of the company. Hugs!
I'm *definitely* a crier -- DH has learned that anything might set me off & he's come to terms with that. I've always been told that I'm "overly sensitive" but typically no one makes fun. I don't really care though. It makes me feel better & sometimes that's the only important thing.
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